Jesus and Relationships
When it comes to relationships, it’s usually just a matter of time before things get messy. Whether it’s with a spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, family member, co-worker, or friend, we all encounter difficult things in our relationships. Conflict, anger, disappointment, frustration, staleness, hurt, and pain are so difficult to manage. We feel emotionally spent and sometimes may even wonder if things will ever get better.
For some of us, we may have even given up. It just seems too big to overcome. We are just too tired to fight and work to try and break through what has us in bondage.
It's in these times that we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. Nothing is too big for Jesus to overcome. His heart is to reconcile, restore, and bring life and love into our relationships.
When we focus on Jesus and relationships, here are 4 ways we can expect Jesus to work in us and through us.
SEEK FORGIVENESS
In Colossians 3:13, the apostle Paul says this:
13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
(Colossians 3:13)
The last part of that verse is the key. Paul says to forgive as the Lord forgave you. Jesus forgives fully and completely, and it’s only possible to forgive this way because Jesus has forgiven you and given you a new heart.
So, there is no way that you will ever see a breakthrough in any of our relationships if we don’t allow Jesus to extend forgiveness through you when someone offends us or to give us the strength to ask for forgiveness when we’ve offended someone else.
I was talking to someone about their marriage several years ago about this and the importance of forgiveness, and I’ll never forget it because he kind of gave me like an “amen,” and then turned to his wife and said, “So yeah, go ahead as the pastor said and ask me for forgiveness!”
That’s not what I’m talking about here! See, we are always quick to point out how the other person has wronged us and that they need to admit they were wrong and ask for forgiveness when what I am talking about is seeing our own part in the problem.
Also, we don’t admit our part after they come to us first and admit theirs. We allow Jesus to give us what we need to act first, admit to our part of the problem, and genuinely ask for forgiveness.
And if someone else does admit their mistake, then we allow Jesus to give us the strength to forgive them. In 1 Corinthians 13:5, we are told that “love keeps no record of wrongs.” Jesus will never lead us to hold onto that bitterness and remind our spouse, friend, co-worker, or whoever else that they wronged us that one time and still owe us!
So, again, if Jesus is going to break through in our relationships, we can expect Him to lead us to seek forgiveness.
UNDERSTAND WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU HAVE IN CHRIST
If you are in Christ, you have a brand-new identity. You are a new creation. You have everything you need for life and godliness.
In Colossians 2:10, the apostle Paul says this:
10 You are complete through your union with Christ
(Colossians 2:10)
In other words, in Christ, you are lacking nothing! You have everything that you need in Christ and through your spiritual union with Him.
Do you see how if you don’t understand this or if you don’t walk by faith that this is true about you, you are going to constantly have relationship struggles with everyone?
If you feel that you are lacking something in your life you are always going to be looking for someone to fill you up, to make up for what is missing in your life. And of course, the problem is, that person is going to fail you.
Whatever it is that you felt they were providing for you to complete you will fade at some point because this was never their job. Only Jesus can complete you.
So, you and I will never see a breakthrough in our marriages, friendships, family relationships, or any kind of relationship until we understand who we are and all that we have in Him. Otherwise, we’ll always be angry at someone for not making us feel more complete on the inside.
SERVE WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN
Jesus is a servant. We are told in Mark 10:45 that Jesus said this:
45 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.
(Mark 10:45)
If Jesus is a servant, and we are in union with Him, then He will lead us also to not be served but to serve others.
As Jesus leads us to serve others with no expectation to get anything in return, that is when our relationships begin to deepen and go to another level.
It’s one thing to have someone tell you they love you and like spending time with you, but it’s a whole different thing when they serve you without expecting anything in return. Actions speak louder than words.
When we serve people out of a heart that Jesus gives to love them, then I think this is where Jesus really begins to break through and deepen the relationships.
He moves them from being kind of transactional relationships where we use the other person to get something from them to selfless, sacrificial relationships where the bonds grow deep.
BE PRESENT
Being present with people means not just being in the same room with them, but truly paying attention to them and engaging with them. It means genuinely trying to get to know the other person and being willing to be known by them. This involves intimacy.
This is how it is with Jesus and us. We were distant and separated from Him, but through the cross, He brought us into a close, personal relationship with Him (Ephesians 2:13; 1 Corinthians 6:17).
There is an intimacy that occurs when we accept Christ as our Lord and Savior. We are known by Him and invited to know Him back on an intimate level. It’s the kind of loving relationship that He pulls us into with Him, and it’s the kind of loving relationship He’ll lead us to have with others.
If we are going to approach our relationships on a surface level, one where we keep them at a safe distance and don’t let them in or try to truly get to know them, then we’ll never see a real breakthrough into what God created our relationships to be like.
JESUS AND RELATIONSHIPS
If you are facing a struggle in your relationships and need Jesus to break through, know that it is not too big for Him to overcome.
Depend on Jesus to lead you to go to this person and seek forgiveness, renew your mind to the truth that you are complete in Him, reveal opportunities to serve without expecting anything in return, and be fully present with them as He develops an authentic relationship between you.
Don’t give up on it. Trust in Jesus. Pray. Give the relationship over to Him. Allow Him to cause the results, whatever they may be, and know that no matter what happens, He is enough and you are complete in Him.