Christian Marriage Advice
Throughout my lifetime and my 24 years of marriage, I’ve heard a lot of Christian marriage advice. Some of it has been good and helpful, and much of it has not.
I’ve read books and gone to seminars on how to love my wife while she was being taught to respect me, how to know each other’s love language, how to understand that we are both from different planets (coming at things from the different ways God created us as men and women), and even learning how to communicate to each other more effectively.
All of the content from these books and those teaching the seminars were presented with a good heart. They all had good intentions. Many of the concepts being taught were taken from various passages of Scripture written in the Bible.
But none of it really ever got to the heart of what makes great Christian marriages.
In this blog post, I want to share with you the best Christian marriage advice I’ve ever heard. You’ll see biblical marriage advice that gets to the heart of God’s design. Are you ready?
THE PROBLEM WITH MOST CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE ADVICE
The problem with most Christian marriage advice is that it focuses on techniques to get your needs met from your spouse.
If I love my wife, then I’ll get the respect that I need to make my life better.
If I respect my husband, then I’ll finally get the love that I so desperately crave and need.
If I love my spouse through their particular love language, then maybe they’ll reciprocate by loving me through mine and I’ll finally get my need of love met in my life.
If I learn how different my spouse is because of our genders, then I’ll know how to get what I need out of them in a more effective way.
If I can figure out a better way to communicate with my spouse, then maybe my spouse will finally start talking to me in a way that values me and brings me the intimacy I long for.
Please don’t hear me saying that all of this Christian marriage advice is inherently wrong or that God can’t be at work through it. I believe that it can be helpful, but I think we need to see something much deeper first.
STOP LOOKING TO YOUR SPOUSE TO MEET YOUR NEEDS
Your spouse wasn’t designed to meet your needs. God, as your Creator and the Sustainer of all things, is your Source. He is the One who meets your needs.
The Lord is your Shepherd, and in Him, you lack nothing (Psalm 23:1).
He will supply all your needs, according to the glory of His riches in Christ (Phil. 4:19)
Those who seek the Lord will lack no good thing (Psalm 34:10)
As a matter of fact, if you have put your faith and trust in Christ for salvation, then you are in a forever spiritual union with Him where you’ve been made one (1 Cor. 6:17).
In this union with Him, the apostle Paul teaches that you have been made complete in Christ (Col. 2:10) and that you have every spiritual blessing that there possible is to possess (Eph. 1:3).
Therefore, if all of your needs are met in Christ, then you can stop looking to your spouse to meet your needs!
You don’t have to get your spouse to love you through a certain love language to get your need of love met, because you have your need of love met in Christ!
You don’t need your spouse to respect you in the way you desire to get your need of respect met, because you have your need of respect met in Christ!
You don’t need your spouse to communicate with you to a certain level or depth to get your need of intimacy met because you have your need of intimacy met in Christ.
RECOGNIZE THE ENEMY’S LIES
Throughout your marriage, there are going to be times when Satan, who is a liar (John 8:44) and a deceiver (Rev. 12:9), makes you feel like your needs are not being met.
He is going to turn your focus to the things of this world and the people in your life to try and get what you feel you are lacking in those moments. Much of the time that is going to be through your spouse.
He is going to lead you to scheme, manipulate, threaten, and/or demand that your spouse behave, act, perform, or communicate a certain way in order to get something out of them that you feel you are lacking in that moment.
But this is where you must recognize his lies. You must renew your mind to the truth that you are complete in Christ and have all your needs met in Him. Christ is your Source. Don’t let Satan deceive you into thinking that your spouse is the source of getting your needs met.
THE BEST CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE ADVICE
The best Christian marriage advice that I have ever gotten was grounded in the things written above.
If both spouses are in Christ that means that each spouse is complete in Him and their needs are met by Him.
Therefore, the best marriages are found when both spouses look to Jesus as their Source and are available for Him to use them to love and serve their spouse as He guides and empowers them to do so.
As you rest in Christ and all that you have in Him, you will be free to allow Him to love your spouse through you. There will be no manipulation, threatening, or demanding that your spouse act, perform, or behave a certain way to get your needs met because you’ll experience those being met in Christ. Instead, you’ll experience love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control in your heart and being expressed through you towards your spouse.
Now, there might be times, when the enemy deceives your spouse and they take their eyes off of Jesus. In those moments, they might go back to acting in their flesh and treating you in ways that are less than God’s best.
However, since you are complete in Christ and all your needs are met in Him, you are free to love and serve your spouse regardless of how they are acting or treating you. (Now, to be clear, I am not talking about abusive things. If you are being abused by a spouse, please get help. I am referring to most common problems that married people face.)
You don’t have to wait on your spouse to start getting their act together to love and serve them. Your needs are met in Christ, and you are free in Him to love and serve them however the Spirit leads and empowers you to do so.
This is the best Christian marriage advice that I can give you. Stop trying to fix your spouse. Stop trying to get your needs met through your spouse. Instead, look to Jesus as your Source, trust that you have all you need in Him, and be available to be used by Him to love and serve your spouse under His guidance and through His power.
