Grace and Grief
Those of us in grace circles talk a lot about how Christ is Life, and how we have abundant life in Him all the time, no matter what situations and circumstances we find ourselves in. And that is true, and we should often renew our minds to that biblical truth when we find ourselves in difficult situations and circumstances.
My fear is that we sometimes jump to abundant life and the joy we have in Christ when faced with a loss in our lives instead of allowing ourselves to grieve.
As a matter of fact, I would say the majority of funerals I’ve been a part of avoid grieving. They are focused on a celebration of the person’s life or a celebration of them being in heaven. That is not wrong. Those are things worth celebrating, and it’s important to remind ourselves of those things. However, there is still a loss that we experience here, and it is important for us to give ourselves space to grieve that loss.
IT IS OKAY TO GRIEVE
When the apostle Paul was writing in 1 Thessalonians 4, he tells that church congregation that as Christians we do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope (1 Thes. 4:13).
Notice that Paul did not say that we do not grieve. He just said that we grieve differently than those who are not believers.
It is important for us to have space to grieve.
Pastor and clinical psychologist, Kenneth Haugk suggests the following 3 things about grief:
1. Grief is normal b/c it is how people respond to a significant personal loss
2. Grief is natural in that it’s a completely human thing to do.
3. Grief is necessary…it provides a healthy way to cope with the loss and everything it means to us.
We need to give ourselves permission to grieve. We need to realize that grieving may be the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves and the person or thing we lose in our lives.
We even see Jesus grieve at the death of his friend Lazarus. We are told that Jesus wept after experiencing this loss in His life.
I think we sometimes are afraid to give space to grieve because we know it will hurt. But these are times that we allow Jesus to meet us in our pain and loss. Jesus allowed Himself to grieve, knowing that His Father would meet Him in His grief.
We also don’t allow ourselves to grieve because we think it will give Jesus a bad name. We know that our loved one is in Heaven and enjoying the fullness of all that entails. We know that we have abundant life in Christ, and we think that we should just be happy for them and also make sure others see the joy and abundant life we have in Christ.
But again, Jesus grieved. He wasn’t worried about His reputation. Also, Jesus knows that your loved one is enjoying the glory of heaven, but He also knows that you are experiencing a loss in your life through being separated from them.
GRIEVING AS THOSE WHO HAVE HOPE
We can give space in our lives to grieve and experience loss in our lives because it will not lead us to complete despair. As we grieve and feel the loss, we have hope that Jesus will meet us in our pain. We have hope that He will comfort us, empathize with us, and walk through it with us.
We will still feel the sadness, and we may shed tears; however, that sadness doesn’t lead down a dark hole. It is possible to still feel the sadness and the grief but also have deep joy, comfort, and peace at the same time.
And of course, Jesus will remind us often that our loved one is with Him in heaven, and give us assurance of a better day that is coming for us too.
So, as you experience loss in your life, allow yourself to grieve. Sometimes that loss will be a loved one passing away, but it may even be the loss of a spouse through a divorce, the loss of a friendship, or a number of other kinds of losses you experience in this world. Whatever it is, don’t be too quick to just put a positive spin on it.
Grace gives you space to grieve and to feel the losses you experience in this world. Rest in it and allow Jesus to meet you there and just sit with you. May you experience His grace through the grief.
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